Mi-a venit ideea acestui thread dupa ce am citit dimineata ce zicea Tradelover aici apropo de "glumele specializate" si dupa ce am primit pe mess bancul de mai jos . Sper sa participati si voi.

 

Gorby and Reagan are stranded on an island and find a bottle. They open it and out comes a genie. He says, "I will give you one item, but I must warn you that you will die on this island". So they both decide they want a newspaper from 15 years in the future.

Poof, the paper appears in the sand.

Gorby grabs the paper and turns to the financial page and begins laughing and states, "your Reaganomics have plunged the USA into the deepest recession ever!"

Reagan grabs the paper and turns to the international page and scratches his chin and states, "hmmm, I see there are skirmishes again on the border between Germany and China."

Alte definitii:

 

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

 

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

 

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.

 

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

 

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

 

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

 

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

 

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

 

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

despre broker:

The Walton's invited their new neighbors over to dinner. During dinner Mr.Walton was asked what he did for a living.

 

Eight years old Brian Walton jumped in and said, "Daddy is a fisherman!" To which Mrs.Walton replied, "Brian, why do say that. Your daddy is a stockbroker, not a fisherman."

 

"No mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says 'I just caught another fish'."

DISAPPOINTED SALESMAN

 

A disappointed salesman of Pepsi returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

 

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Pepsi is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters. First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Pepsi and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place."

 

"That should have worked," said the friend. "What this has to do with speaking Arabic?"

 

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left."

Wisdom

 

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blond. Now we have a $2M home, a $245,000.00 car, nice big bed and 50" plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Dear Santa, Please send me a baby brother. Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother..."

 

 

nu am gasit locul cu bancuri diverse asa ca e offtopic

Ma adresez pe aceasta cale prietenilor si cunoscutilor! Va informez ca sunt dispus incepand de azi sa primesc cadourile de Craciun ptr a evita aglomeratia din ultimul moment!Accept bani numerar sau cec-uri,bijuterii,parfumuri fine,haine de marca si chiar autoturisme,apartamente sau jucarii!Craciun Fericit! Va multumesc pentru intelegere! Sarbatori Fericite!

Ma adresez pe aceasta cale prietenilor si cunoscutilor! Va informez ca sunt dispus incepand de azi sa primesc cadourile de Craciun ptr a evita aglomeratia din ultimul moment!Accept bani numerar sau cec-uri,bijuterii,parfumuri fine,haine de marca si chiar autoturisme,apartamente sau jucarii!Craciun Fericit! Va multumesc pentru intelegere! Sarbatori Fericite!

Auzi da..... un sac -doi de huila de Valea-Jiului nu primesti ? Asta pana fac si eu cativa pipsi cu invataturile tale . M-as osteni sa-ti trimit daca ar fi dupa cat ai contribuit pe aici . Multumesc de felicitari !

Auzi da..... un sac -doi de huila de Valea-Jiului nu primesti ? Asta pana fac si eu cativa pipsi cu invataturile tale . M-as osteni sa-ti trimit daca ar fi dupa cat ai contribuit pe aici . Multumesc de felicitari !

Mai bine pastrezi sacii aia de huila ptr. tine, ai famelie mare si renumeratie dupa buget mica. Plus ca n-am cerut ceva de la cineva la propriu, am postat doar o gluma.

The job
by trescourt

http://www.antena3.ro/stiri/fun/noile-logo...iala_59917.html